I know, I know: You keep hearing everyone talk about how you need to be vulnerable and real and raw and let others know how you feel. And if you're like most, you're probably wondering, "What's the point?" How is being vulnerable going to solve a problem, meet a deadline or advance a mission?
In the private-sector workplace, vulnerability is one way we connect with others, build community and let other people know who we are and what we care about. All of this helps to grow strong teams, create alignment on projects and initiatives, and advance a company's brand -- all of which are very important to your employer.
As you exit the military and join the ranks of the civilian sector, consider adding vulnerability to your mantra, actions and relationships.
Understanding Vulnerability and Why it Matters
The problem with embracing vulnerability is that when you look at any dictionary definition of the word, you read things like, "able to be easily hurt, influenced or attacked," or "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, physically or emotionally."
Why, you might ask, would I want that?
There are many ways to express vulnerability and still maintain a confident, competent and professional demeanor. Being vulnerable might mean you let someone in on who you are, instead of hiding behind a façade or job title. When there's a problem with a project or the team, you share how that problem affects you and what you feel. You don't have to be gushy and overly dramatic, but you draw the human component into situations by expressing your views, feelings and experiences as they relate to what's happening.
A vulnerable response to confrontation, for example, could look like: Asking questions before challenging someone's view, seeking to understand if you, in fact, have committed the offense they're upset about, and expressing a heartfelt apology with ideas for how you can do better next time.
The thing about vulnerability, as difficult as it might feel in the moment -- after all, you're taking a risk here -- is that it empowers others to be vulnerable with you. This means they might:
- Offer your honest feedback that helps you grow as a leader,
- Let you know of a problem or issue before it gets out of hand,
- Share their ideas, insights and views with you, enabling you to bring more value,
- Feel less anxiety on the team or a project, as they feel more supported by you, and
- Feel safe, supported and validated by you, deepening your connection.
While being vulnerable does mean someone could use your vulnerability against you, it is a risk worth taking for the outcomes it produces. As a leader, vulnerability is one of the most valued and sought-after skills to grow the enterprise, build stronger teams and ensure positive mental health.
What Vulnerability Isn't
Vulnerability is not weakness, giving away your power, a victim-mentality or a loss of control. You still maintain the choice of how vulnerable you want to be with others, when you'll opt to share your feelings, beliefs, goals and fears and with whom you'll allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Today, try sharing one personal aspect of who you are with someone you care about serving. Tell them the story of how you entered the military, what the experience of exiting your military duty felt like or why you're so passionate about the kind of work you're doing now.
Start small, and then the more comfortable you are with letting people know who you are under the surface, choose to share more when it feels right.
The author of "Success After Service: How to Take Control of Your Job Search and Career After Military Duty" (2020) and "Your Next Mission: A personal branding guide for the military-to-civilian transition" (2014), Lida Citroën is a keynote speaker and presenter, executive coach, popular TEDx speaker and instructor of multiple courses on LinkedIn Learning. She regularly presents workshops on personal branding, executive presence, leadership communication, and reputation risk management.
A contributing writer for Military.com, Lida is a passionate supporter of the military, volunteering her time to help veterans transition to civilian careers and assist employers who seek to hire military talent. She regularly speaks at conferences, corporate meetings and events focused on military transition.
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