A recent conversation with a coaching client brought not only a lump to my throat, but a tear to my eye. We were discussing his challenging transition from being a highly decorated military officer to running a large team in a global consulting firm. He was sharing his frustrations and asked, "Does my rank mean nothing today, in my civilian career?"
This client was struggling with some of the more known cultural changes from the military to the private sector. He had been accustomed to entering a room where his positional authority was evidenced by what was displayed on his uniform, and where his reputation was revered and gave him status in conversations. Today, he finds himself stripped of much of what he relied on in the military to assert his voice.
He shared an example of what's irking him. "When I was in the Army," he said, "I'd walk into a room, and everyone stood up. They waited until I took my seat before assuming theirs. When I gave orders, everyone took note, and unless there were obvious clarifying points to address, they'd leave the briefing without much conversation." I told him I understood the picture he was painting.
"Today, however, things look very different," he continued. "I walk into the room, and no one stands; half of them don't even look at me -- but rather stay heads down into their cell phones -- when I head to my seat. I give out directions, and they want to 'brainstorm' and 'dialogue' about what I'm instructing. What? Why can't they just trust that I know best. I have earned that right to know best."
The conversation that followed focused on these key aspects of the military to civilian transition:
1. Your Military Rank Isn't Understood
Those you work with should (I believe they should) respect the work and service of your military commitment. They should understand that to raise your hand to serve your country is a respected choice and the skills, training and experience you garnered during your military career earned you regard and deference in most situations.
They should understand, ... but not all will. For some, their lack of understanding could stem from personal biases around military duty. For others, it could be because they haven't taken the time to understand what it means to endure military training and culture. And others just aren't paying attention. Whatever the reason, not everyone you encounter will appreciate the commitment, work and sacrifice of military duty and why rank matters.
If your seniority, experience and rank isn't regarded in your new career, remember that most people you'll encounter in the U.S. have no prior military experience. Less than 2% of Americans have served. This means there could be opportunities for you to educate those around you about the military culture and processes, and also there's new ways you can assert and establish your credibility to earn the respect that rank affords.
2. Think Past 'Right' and 'Wrong'
Someone without the insight, knowledge and understanding of the military culture, training and experiences is unknowing, not necessarily unappreciative. Resist the temptation to get defensive or aggressive when your rank and position from the military aren't understood or recognized, and seek to explore conversation instead.
You still carry all the values and qualities your military experience instilled in you. Likely, you still want to serve, protect, guide and act with courage, for instance. Lean into those values to navigate the new culture you're establishing yourself in.
3. Establish Credibility and Trust Through Your Values and Actions
In the civilian culture, we trust people and call them credible when we feel we know who they are, what they stand for and what we can expect from them. When we repeatedly see them act consistent with the values they profess, trust, respect and credibility grow.
This means you'll need to become more communicative about who you are and what you care about. Sharing aspects of your professional career, personal goals and principles with those around you helps them learn more about you. Then, when they see you "walking the talk" of what you say you believe in, they not only respect and trust you more, but they'll advocate for you with others.
My client was slow to adopt the advice offered but did come to realize that embracing the differences between military culture, work style and values and those often found in the private sector was a process. Over time, and with the support of his coaches and mentors, he learned to become an effective (and well-liked and respected!) leader in his new organization. Even as no one took to their feet when he walked in the room.
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